ACT TWO

by Doug Roland

As we prepared for our return to South Africa after the long holiday, I felt a sense of unease. It was different than, but probably influenced by, a very nasty cold. During the 25 hours sitting in cars and airplanes, I couldn't figure out whether I was saddened by leaving home, indifferent to returning or just plain sick. Clarity was waiting in the inbox, waiting for us to get to accessible wi-fi.

Cheri's college roommate, Carolyn, moved to Australia in the early 70's and made her life there. She knows us well and has shared with us her experiences in returning "home" to Ohio from time to time. She too had felt a certain discomfort. Her e-mail summarized it well:

"Being an ‘expat’ you end up not really belonging anywhere. Everyone in Tampa would be doing much the same things they were doing when you left 18 months ago, talking about things that happened as if you had been there and you were – in spirit- but your reality was 100+ seminarians and colleagues on the other side of the world."

We had been detached from our homeland for a year and a half. Lives carry on without us. While we were showered with greetings, hugs, questions, and generous help during our stay, the stubborn fact is that "home" was actually back in South Africa. It is the place where we now live, where we labor in the fields, play, laugh and sleep. You simply cannot live in two places at once.

Before we left home in 2010, people told us and we told ourselves that with modern technology, e-mail, Facebook, Skype and other marvels, could keep us up to date. They do, but that doesn't change the reality. It's not the same as being in the room together. It's a "virtual home" but it's not where you live.

In the prior post, the temptation to "slip back into the culture" was something I recognized, but failed to see that the recognition confirmed that we live in South Africa and not in our homeland.

There is a real and compelling difference between home and living. The theme of getting back home is found everywhere, from E.T. to Thomas Wolfe ("You Can't Go Home Again") to the old spiritual, "Goin' Home." We yearn for "home" but not necessarily where we live.

Doing what we do (leaving home to live and serve elsewhere) shakes off dust gathered for decades and exposes us to a possible life-change. Now we don't get to have a "do-over" in life, but we have accumulated a body of knowledge and skills over the years. These are our kit-bags. We all have them. Our testimony is that these little bags can be used both to help others and to reshape and/or renew our own lives. It's the not-so-simple decision to "bite the bullet", or, in a spiritual context, say, "Here I am Lord. Use me." The rest will take care of itself.

This is where we are as we enter the second half of our journey. If I peek at the future to the day we return and re-establish our home, I wonder what it will be like to live again with the intensity of the fast-paced life of our homeland. I'll speculate and say that we'll be fine. We will be "home" again, but we will be changed. Our kit-bags will be spilling over. There may be something new for us then.

In the meantime, it's on to Act Two.