CLASS REUNION

by Doug Roland

Over the last 30 years, I have enjoyed my high school reunions. People attend these for all sorts of reasons, curiosity, restoring relationships that went south when you were 17; remembering special events that weren't really memorable at the time; talking about your own children, careers, spouses, travels and hobbies. The chats about spouses can be interesting, depending on whether you married your high school sweetheart. Those people are seen as a couple more than as individuals. As for the rest of us, most stopped bringing spouses to these things years ago. There's usually some talk about who died since the previous reunion, but not for long. We were there to remember the good times, the best of times.

For me, as the years have past, I realized how incredibly fortunate I was to attend public school at a time when teachers poured out their hearts and energy for us. We were well prepared. And it was a safe place. The most dangerous thing was sneaking out to have a smoke between classes. There were no metal detectors or cards to swipe for entry. Our town, a classic Indiana town, was a great place to be nurtured, solidly rooted in midwestern values.

My 50 year class reunion was held last weekend. For well over a year, I have known I would be in Africa and not there. A year ago, it was just another part of the sacrifice I committed to make to serve in another land. Intellectually, it was not upsetting that I would not be there. Sure, it's fun seeing everybody, but my mission came first. In fact, the run-up to the event, in the form of floods of e-mails and Facebook comments and messages, was great fun and exciting. Technology has brought us together again in ways we could never have anticipated in 1961.

So, why do I feel like someone just died? I was troubled all weekend. I was missing a special one-time-only moment when, 50 years later, you join your childhood friends (and enemies). We played together, worked together, sang together, studied together and dreamed together. In so doing, we learned a lot of "firsts" that would shape our lives. It is a connection that, for many of us, runs deep. But makes this reunion different than the others?

I think what makes me ache is that I missed a rite of passage. 50 years reunions are embedded in our culture. I recall that in the late 70's my mother drove down to Mississippi to attend her first and only high school reunion, the 50th. She couldn't stop talking about when she returned. In retrospect, I realize that I've been in many conversations with friends, business colleagues, and casual acquaintances, when someone would mention their 50th high school reunion. It's hard not to talk about it. For me, it is a unique celebration of your life in the company of those who were there with you at such a formative time. It's about those "first" times. It is the reunion where, just like our graduation, we look at the future, maybe not so much eagerly as hesitantly.

Our lives are defined in memories. They guide us. We are adrift without them. What I missed was a refueling station, a high octane shot of memories. I should just give in to the notion that God wants me here and now. But it's hard. It's what I get for choosing to look forward and not to live in the past.