Life in PMB by Doug Roland

First haircut outside the US. I went on a Friday afternoon - the place was packed and we had things to do. Went back at the 7:30am opening next morning, only to have to join a queue. Didn't last. Was given a nice haircut by a gay Indian.

Meat. We learned a valuable lesson this week. Meat in the supermarkets is overpriced. By luck, we were told about a place named Oscar's at the edge of town. Marvelous meat at about half the price.

Other food. Much of the food is quite good, especially the vegetables. We miss good peanut butter and real orange juice. South Africans as a rule do not brew coffee. They are addicted to instant. But they love french fries. Also bread. Seminarians pile their lunch plates with bread thus explaining their general state of being overweight.

U.S. Citizens. We are learning to use our citizenship to our advantage. White people are a minority. It doesn't take a census to tell you that. But an American white person is an oddity. This tends to get us in some doors perhaps out of curiosity. (I've only been asked for money once, aside from a few roadside beggars.)

Parking. There are car guards everywhere there is public parking. They help point you to a open space and they hang around. When you return, they help you back out of your spot (the lots are small). We pay them about 70 cents. It pays to ask their names and establish a relationship. It's money well spent in a country where car jacking is a way of life.

Safety. If you don't act stupid, remain alert and think about where you are going, it's pretty safe here.

AIDS. The population of SA has one of, if not the highest, percentages of HIV in Africa. There was a really dismal turnout at a local effort to get everyone tested - for free. Amazing how few of our seminarians went. Meanwhile, the disease marches on.

TV. The seminary has generously provided us a TV. Would that anything worth watching was on it. The best shows are Oprah re-runs, a Julia Roberts retrospective that lasted several Saturday nights and the occasional Bond movie. Fear Factor and Gossip Girl have started to look good. Otherwise,we are relegated to programs in Zulu and Afrikaans, really terrible "soaps", and World Wrestling something or other.

Wildlife. Everyone thinks there is of lots of wildlife in Africa. We were here three weeks before we saw a monkey running across the road in a rural area. The next day we saw a small pack of them at the edge of town. Last week, we went to a nature preserve and saw a pair of Elan, a beautiful deer-like animal with long, gently curling antlers. A couple of weeks ago, we were hiking with a guide in some beautiful mountains north of here. We asked him if there were snakes around. Much of the vegetation was bush grass. He replied that not this time of year (winter) but will be later. Common snakes on the trail are wrinkle snake, puff adder and spitting cobra. Ok, then.

Keys. This is a nation of keys - keys for nearly every room. The back door requires 2 keys, the garage 5 or 6. These aren't those little one inch stubs, but are proper English keys - long, elegant and timeless. Then there are the office keys - one to get in the building, one into the office and three for the desk, file cabinet and cabinet cabinet. I keep thinking I must be losing weight when it's really the weight of the keys pulling my pants down.

Gin. Tangueray is surprisingly rare. This is my third trip to South Africa and the first time I saw any was a couple of weeks ago. South African descendants of the British (who, after all, made the stuff) somehow failed to retain the taste for fine gin.

Electronic banking. On the spot EFT (using a debit card) is very prompt and confirmed on your computer or cell phone within minutes. Also can pay bills on the website. It is, however, much like walking a tightrope - one little bump of the wrong key and you end up in telephone hell. Alternatively, you could go into a branch. Tip: take a book. You will be there awhile.

Traffic. Traffic lights are called robots . . . .really. "Turn right at the next robot." You get used to it. Most drivers are reasonably courteous and the traffic here is not bad, though I haven't been on the right side of the road lately. Taxi drivers seem to think that anarchy has set in. No rules. Just right.

The grocery. Not a lot of difference here except at the checkout. The bags are called packets, and there is a charge for them. So we usually recycle ours. Our closest store is about 5 minutes away.

The car. Our Toyota is just about right. Four seats, nice size trunk (boot in SA). The title to it is four pages long and still doesn't say much of anything. I may have this wrong, but I was told it comes with insurance even though there is no policy to prove that. I need to dig a little deeper on that one.

Staff Retreat. It is written in the code of South Africa that any meeting lasting beyond 10:30 am shall include tea. Same thing in the afternoon at about 3:30pm. During our recent retreat at a conference center up in the hills around the city, there were chocolate chip chocolate muffins in the morning and chocolate chip cookies still warm from the oven in the afternoon. At each break, we were interrupted by a monkey that paid a visit via an open window and helped himself to the sugar bowl, carrying away several packets for his tribe.

If you've wondered, this is how we are doing. It's a blast!!